When we moved to Texas, I took a break from writing and focused on home and family. I wouldn't have been capable of balancing a 'career' and family at the same time. My family was my career. I know plenty of women that do this, but that wasn't my calling in life.
In truth, raising kids and taking care of home was not my only reason. God needed to do some serious work on me. I arrived in Texas pretty beat up emotionally and spiritually. I wanted desperately to serve God, but my ego needed to get over itself (a safe way of saying, hey, I had way too much pride and I needed to turn from it). So, it seemed fitting to take a break away from readers and writers and all that comes with that, and simply learn about God.
You know what I learned? God loves me. Simple, isn't it?
But in all the criticism that comes when you are an author, or any person putting herself out there, you can miss a very important fact expressed in a simple children's song: Jesus Loves Me.
Did I get over my ego? Nope. Did I get over the hurt? Yes. While I have been a student of the Bible since childhood, I still need to remember that I am a child of God. I still need to take the time to adore God in truth, to pray in sincerity, and to live with complete abandonment.
I have picked up writing again (as you can see). I still fear what people say when I shouldn't. I still feel the sting of criticism. I still battle with the need to be approved. But I know where to go to regain my stability and my courage and my strength. I have to remind myself of His love and mercy and pleasure in me. I have to remind myself that He is my audience, and it is His Holy Spirit that will speak to the hearts of my readers, not my words. My battle with pride is certainly my thorn in the flesh. But God's grace is sufficient. To Him be all honor, and glory, and praise. Forever and ever, Amen!
