Trust God and Have Rest

 "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him:..." Job 13:15

Job sat among the ashes. His friends were terrible comforters saying nasty things about him. And from a purely human point of view, God had abandoned Job. 

Yet, Job set his mind to trust God.

Job bore the burden of great loss, of illness, and now of bitter friends. I don't think anyone would deny that this was a heavy burden to bear. However, Job demonstrated in these words the secret behind Sabbath keeping.

What?

Yes. The Sabbath is about rest. The Sabbath day is a picture of the inner rest a person can receive when he has peace with God, fully trusting Him for his life. F. B. Meyer (an 19th Century preacher) put it this way: 

The pause in the outward business of life was but a parable of that inner hush, which is not for one day but for all days; not for one race but for all men; not for the Hereafter only but for Now. (F.B. Meyer, The Secret of Guidance. © 2018 Merchant Books, p. 41) 

The true strength of Job came through that trust in God's goodness. The decision made to do so enabled Job to wait in faith and not foolishly deny the existence or love of God. Job later says: 

   For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: (Job 19:25)

 This doesn't mean Job didn't struggle. It doesn't mean he didn't feel hurt or abandoned. It simply means that settling in his heart to surrender his life to trusting God was a choice. One that took strength and faith to execute. He determined to push onto God the burden he was feeling, though he did so clumsily. He didn't understand, and he wanted understanding. He struggled to see the goodness of God in all of this, and that caused him to question God. But in the depths of his soul, he chose to trust.

Trusting when you can't see what will come is difficult. It is a tough exercise. But when you release you grip of worry on the unknown and open your arms abandoning your hold on your situation, leaving it wholly in God's hands you'll receive serenity. You'll receive that perfect, wonderous, awesome and amazing true Sabbath rest. Peace and joy will push out the fears, anxiety, torture, worry, handwringing, blame-casting, anger, tears, and whatever else you did when you weren't trusting God.

Job fought for this Sabbath rest, and discovered in the end, that the Lord would sustain him, even bless him. Not sure we can answer the question 'Why' in every situation we face, but we can answer each situation with trust in God's goodness, love, and willingness to carry our burdens.

"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

God in Control

 "...although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause." Job 2:3

Satan comes again to present himself to God, and I can see God smile with a twinkle in His eye, before he says, "Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause."  (Job 2:3).

I've drawn the conclusion that no one (including God) has singular motives. We're complex people. We may set out with a specific objective, but we secretly (even fooling ourselves), have at least two, and likely more, reasons for the actions taken. 

We're not specifically given God's motives for once more putting Job up in front of Satan. We can probably come up with several:

• Job hadn't learn the lesson of who God was. 
• God wanted us to have an example of holding to faith under difficult circumstances. 
• God wanted to prove His glory and control.
• And more. 

However, here we see Satan had motives, and God allowed him to fulfill them. 

But note: God specifically pointed Job out to Satan (Job 1:8; 2:3). It seems one of God's intentions was to test Job (as seen in the last chapters of the book). Job would become our example. He would be a testimony of God's Sovereignty, of our frailty, and of our need to remain faithful.

The ultimate point being God is in control. We must trust that. Trusting that enables us to be faithful. Trials in our life strengthen our understanding of that truth. 

Question is, are we willing to surrender to God using these trials?

Lord, thank you for Your sovereignty in my life, for weaving and putting the puzzle or threads of my life together for Your glory and Honor--always. 

"Behold, God is great, and we know him not,..." Job 36:26

Meet Job

 "And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?" Job 1:8

Job: a man who loved and served God. One God praised; whose faith made God proud. He wasn't a nobody. Job held great wealth and prestige. He had a family that he loved, and he interceded with God on their behalf.

So why did God point him out to Satan?

I confess, I'm afraid of pondering that question too deeply. Why? Because of what God says to Job:

Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge? Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me. Job 38:2-3

I think if the voice of God came out of a whirlwind and spoke those words to me, I'd run and hide. So, I reason, if God answered Job this way, how much fiercer would He answer me, who lacks the faith of Job? 

I'm not really sure Job was written to give us the answer to, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I just don't believe any human being in this present age, on this present earth, can even come close to comprehending God's answer. But perhaps, in reading it under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit, we can grasp the specific message God has for us as individuals.

The beauty of God's Word blossoms before our eyes when His Holy Spirit ministers directly to our hearts while we read it. The answer we seek may not be written in plain English, but the answer we need to hear blooms in our spirit releasing a fragrance that calms and assures. I think when this happens, the value of what we read increases a hundredfold.

Perhaps, if we approached Job with a heart open to hear the Holy Spirit, we'll find a message that shatters our fears, burns up our anxiety, and heals our wounded spirits. 

Perhaps, approaching God with a willingness to accept His love may penetrate our hearts like a scalpel cutting away cancer, as well as produce the soothing effect of a healing balm...perhaps if we can be open to look for the good that may flow from circumstances we'd rather not be placed in, maybe we'd be able to respond as Job did and find peace in it:

I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not....I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. Job 42:2-5

Seasons of Life

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:" Ecclesiastes 3:1

 A friend started a conversation with a group of us about the seasons of life. It got me to reflect on those seasons in my life. Like in nature, seasons of life are cyclical:

• A season of growth and beauty, and what growth comes without battles? Like the storms of spring where winter and summer battle for control.
• A season of warm contentment following the battle.
• A season of closure and peace and preparation, like fall.
• A season of dormancy, as though nothing is happening, when God seems silent in a period of waiting that can at times be stormy and cold. But also a time of rest from growth.

All of those seasons reveal God's handiwork in our lives, if we are willing to believe and to look and see.

Even as I look at my battle with cancer, I see this truth.

My fervent prayer in the fall of 2020 was to know God, was to have God reveal Himself to me in a mighty and powerful way. I wanted more than anything to know the deep, deep love of God.

"That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints, what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

The 'spring' of this 'year in Christ'. When God made clear His presence, I wondered what He would have in store for me.

In the dead of the winter of 2020 and 2021, I walked in the warmth of contentment found in the summer of this 'year in Christ' pattern. I assumed a trial would be coming that would bring a harvest of knowledge of God, but at the time rested in the confidence that God would be there.

Then, with one 'hurricane of life' announcing the entrance of fall like those hurricanes coming off the Gulf of Mexico that so often frequent late August and September, I found the lump of cancer and thought I knew what God had been preparing me for. 

Probably seems odd to think of that discovery as the 'fall'. But there it was. It would be a long fall. A time of preparation for the winter of life. The trials that come with chemo and then surgery and then another round of chemo (I chose not to do radiation). Yet, in those trials the constant presence of God, comforting, speaking, revealing Himself.

And then the sharp decline of health that had me thinking of my mother's last months and what she suffered and was this also mine? I can't deny that I thought that. Never had I known such fatigue and loss of desire to do the things I love. Winter must be coming in with a blizzard.

For the past few months, I kept saying to myself, one more month and it will be all done. But that 'one more month, had stretched into three more months of tests and appointments. And yet, I find myself again saying...

One more month of doctor's appointments and tests, and Lord willing, I'm through for awhile. I'll be able to enter into that period of dormancy, of rest that comes with hibernation...well, perhaps I won't really be hibernating, but there does come a peace and rest when trials are passed that I'm sure is like an animal's winter hibernation. And, from past life experiences, a time when God may seem quiet...maybe like the stillness of a cold, yet bright winter morning--beautiful in its own way.

It's just a picture. Just a way of looking at God's workings in our lives. Just a way of reminding ourselves that when we trust God, we know that in His perfect timing, 'this too shall pass'.

"Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am....O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more." Psalm 39:3-4,13

Leviathan and the Age Old Question

 "Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook?..." Job 41:1

"...the LORD...shall punish leviathan..." Isaiah 57:1

Portrayed in the Bible to reveal the sovereign power of God the Creator, the description of Leviathan

takes the entire chapter of Job 41. In Psalm 74:14, Psalm 106:26, and Isaiah 27:1, this same creature appears to reveal God's ultimate power over all of creation, man, and evil.

And evil has raised its ugly head this week in Uvalde, Texas. Which brings us to the age old question of why do bad things happen to good people?

A question impossible to fully answer, because we are limited in our understanding of good and evil.

This morning the creature, leviathan, captured my thoughts while reading Job 41-42.

Its description caused me to think of this creature as a representation of Satan, and the embodiment of all evil. In Job 41 God makes it clear only He has control over this fierce creature. And such control is revealed in Isaiah 27:1:

"In that day the LORD with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, even leviathan that crooked serpent; and he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea."

On the other hand, it seems leviathan is a creature man of which man does not have dominion. God is the victor, the conqueror, the ruler, the One with complete dominance over this creature even to the point of feeding it to His people. Though man was given dominion over all creatures, and the fear and dread of man would be on all beasts (Genesis 1:26; 9:2), this particular creature does not seem to have been delivered into our hand. 

And isn't that how it is with evil?

We are powerless against evil. Even over sin of our own lives.

Yet God has power over it. 

So why does He not stop such horrendous events like what happened in Uvalde?

I honestly cannot give you an answer acceptable to each person.

And that's the point, isn't it? We have to be willing to accept an answer (or lack of an answer) when things like this happen...but sometimes it takes time.

Job lost everything. His children killed. Things were horrible. So what does God do? Go on a tangent about how He knows everything, is all powerful, is the Creator of all, greater than Job, beyond Job in every way. 

Doesn't exactly seem comforting, does it?

God closes His monologue describing the one creature that man absolutely has no control over. A whole chapter is spent on it. Why? To bring home the fact that we absolutely do not understand nor have dominion over evil.

We look at the world in the context of time. God looks at the world from the context of eternity.

We'll never be able to see things as God does, because we are limited, and He is not.

In anger we ask, "Why does God allow evil?"

And that anger seems to be a part of the grieving process, necessary for us to walk through before we can reach a place of peace....and not peace with the horrendous situation or event, but peace with God.

No matter what anyone says, evil is evil. Abhorred by both God and man. 

And yet, God uses evil; He does allow it. From His eternal perspective, evil happens unconstrained by the framework of time, EVEN as good happens outside the constrains of time. Given from the perspective of eternity, a moment of evil and a moment of good today are less than a blip on the radar. 

We want to mourn. We want to weep. We want justice. We want revenge--in our time and sometimes even in our way.

Humanly speaking, we need time to process the evil and the hurt it created.

And if we allow ourselves to, we learn to forgive and to heal and even to see the good that came from a wretched and horrible thing. Not everyone will get to that point...and I think that is sad. Some will hang on to that anger (often lashing out at anyone that dares to have a different solution than theirs) and will hang on to that unforgiveness and turn it into bitterness, 

    and that is letting evil win.

In submission and humility, we can accept evil as an opportunity and instrument used by God to draw us to Him, if we are willing to be drawn.

But we may never fully understand.

I have heard so often the importance of needing to pay to the details of our lives. I confess to feeling that those details, while they may affect eternity and may reflect our character, are limited to a point or period of time. Our lives are not limited to this moment in time. Life does move beyond it.

God sees all of time in a moment because He is not limited by time. What we deem horrific (and is horrific), He sees with the clarity of eternity and the clarity of His all-powerful nature.

The acts of man today, while yes, they can affect eternity, they are not overwhelming to God, who sees all of eternity in a moment.

This God is in control. Evil does not overwhelm The Sovereign Creator.

The evil we experience today (because of man's free will, because the sin nature of humanity) may seem to rule this moment, but it cannot and will not conquer our Eternal God. 

This is what the description of leviathan represents--God's incredible power and rule and justice--eternal and perfect justice--over evil.

Job's pain ended with him realizing his own lack of knowledge and understanding.

And then God does something beautiful. He gives us a picture, through Job who suffered without provocation, of Christ's acceptable personage, suffering and sacrificing. Job takes on the role of a priest, of an intercessor between God and his friends, even as Christ became an intercessor on our behalf. 

Then, God gives Job a future. He restores double all that Job lost. Again, a picture of the bounty of the Christ's eternal kingdom and the abundant life He offers.

So, as part of our healing, after a period of mourning, after choosing to humbly accept God's sovereignty in every situation, after looking for Him and His hand in the workings through and around the situation, we need to begin to look for the future. Hope. Something that will cause us to leave behind the pains and the sorrows and bring joy and purpose once more.

I am praying for the people of Uvalde, Texas. Praying for healing, which cannot fully come without acceptance of God's sovereignty and power. It cannot come without allowing for and receiving God's timing of justice and grace and forgiveness. And it cannot come without a desire to trust God for a future. I am praying that good will come from what was intended for evil, and that this community would not let evil take hold of them and drag them into a lifetime of bitterness. Rather, that they'll surrender to the God who desires for them an eternity of peace, joy, and comfort.

"That he who blesseth himself in the earth shall bless himself in the God of truth; and he that sweareth in the earth shall swear by the God of truth; because the former troubles are forgotten, and because they are hid from mine eyes. 

For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind." Isaiah 65:16-17 

Conversation with My Heavenly Father

I have imagined my Heavenly Father coming to my room each morning to have a conversation with me. 

Over a week ago, He was trying to get something across to me, something about seeing His hand in tough situations, having joy in bad times, and the like. And of course, I nodded and grinned and said that I understood and agreed wholeheartedly. Then He sighed (I’m sure) and allowed me to proceed with my day.

This conversation was held over the course of a week where I anticipated having a successful discussion with my oncologist which would lead to the end of my chemo treatments and all such medication. I was quite optimistic that I’d get my way, and I’d be able to breathe easily at the end of the appointment, ready to live a happy life free of side effects, treatments, and doctor appointments. Hmmm.

Things, as you may guess, did not go as planned. No, I shouldn’t go off the chemo or meds. There’s too high a risk of the cancer returning. No, my life was not my own…well, okay, that was what I was hearing, not necessarily what the doctor was saying, but you know how that goes.

Suffice it to say, we came to an understanding. I would go off the chemo for three, maybe six and no more than nine weeks. And during that time, I would go to all sorts of other doctors' appointments eating up all the precious free time I was looking forward to having, and all the world was going to come to an end…. well, again, what I was hearing—not necessarily what the doctor was saying…the world coming to an end, that is.

When the appointment was all over, I wanted nothing more than to cry my woes on someone’s shoulders. So, I hopped into my truck (cattle needed to be attended to irregardless of my emotional situation) and headed for the ranch. 

I figured I would call my dad. He’s always good for a conversation on the woes of my life. Hmm. Either he wasn’t home, or he’d determined not to answer the phone when my number flashed (I mean, really, who wants to listen to a whiner when you’ve got better things to do?) (Love you, Dad…you’re amazing).

So, there was my eldest daughter. She should be home. But an unanswered call was quickly followed by a text stating that she was in class and would catch up with me later (later, of course didn’t come for a couple of days…sigh).

Not wanting to burden anyone else, I turned on my playlist and was struck with the concept of my God right there where I was at, waiting for me to turn to Him, to do just what He’d been trying to tell me all week long, preparing me for the disappointment I’d just faced.

And so, I wept. I cried both for the joy of knowing that my Heavenly Father cared, for the forgiveness He gave me, the smile He sent my way, and for (when it started to click in my brain) what He’d been trying to get me to see: look for His hand in all things.

But He wasn’t quite done.

After doing what I do with cows and calves, then coming home and doing what I do at my computer and my house and my yard, I took some time to watch a video and was thunked on the head by God.

Yup. I’d been looking for someone all day who would listen to my complaint (even though I’d shared it with God in the truck on the way up). I wanted someone to say I was justified in my complaint; I was righteous in my perception of things….and clearly, I was not behaving as God had been instructing me to do. Sigh.

Forgive me, Lord. I’m thick headed and know nothing. I can say, as Job: 

“Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? Therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.” Job 42:3

I’d like to say I’m a little wiser now…and perhaps I am only in that I’ve been humbled, but….ummm…I know myself too well. Nonetheless, I’m so very thankful for my Heavenly Father Who is quick to teach, quick to correct, and quick to forgive. Who is both merciful and righteous, both gracious and just. Got to love a God like that. Got to love my wonderful Heavenly Father.

In the Absence of God Is Evil

 “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.”  Isaiah 45:7

I am not intelligent enough to debate theology…well, to debate anything really. And even with the things I do know, the ability to speak with confidence and proper assertion and well laid out thoughts…that type of thing alludes me the moment I’m faced with an opponent, no matter how nice and sweet and kind that person of opposition might be. Expressing myself verbally just isn’t my forte.

In recent conversations, I joked about this lack of intellect and knowledge in the context of debate, stating that the discourse would be nothing other than me trying to debate physical science with Einstein. 

But then I realized that every human, no matter the vastness of his intellect or knowledge are limited by just that, their knowledge. They can’t know what they haven’t read or studied or experienced. And therefore, they cannot compete or debate with God, Who knows all things. And, since God is my God, when I rely on Him for knowledge and understanding and wisdom, I’m better than those super geniuses.

After all, didn’t David say the same thing in Psalm 119:99:

“I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation.”

So what does this have to do with evil?

Well, it’s a subject I’ve been pondering because of my limited life…or rather because I want to live today, I mean really live. Not just exist with the hope of things being better than tomorrow…which seems to be the purpose of enduring the wretched side effects of chemotherapy. 

How do I know that within six months, a year, three years, or five years I won’t die of something other than cancer? How do I know that tomorrow I won’t be struck by a car and killed? 

I don’t.

So, I ponder Matthew 6:34:

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

When I am in excruciating pain such that no pain killer can even knock the edge off it, I’m thinking this moment is pretty dog gone evil. When nausea and weakness is so great that I can’t even sit in the bathroom but lie in my bed until I have relief from vomiting, I’m thinking the day is pretty evil.

Maybe to some, I should endure, because I might extend my life another fifteen, twenty years. And I get that. My mom was given another fifteen years…BY THE LORD!!!!!!!!!

And if, should I choose to endure another round of chemo, will those days of illness be wasted in bed vomiting? Especially when I do have a choice? Okay, some may argue whether I have a choice, but really, all I need to do is cancel the appointment and walk away.

But even in my darkest hour, the Lord my God, King of Kings, my Savior, my Heavenly Father—He was present. Hard to find when I was moaning and thinking how evil life can be, but still…He was there.

I can’t imagine how much more “evil the day” would have been had I not had Him. Had I not had the hope of eternity with Him. Had I not believed He was ultimately in control and that there is nothing…even cancer…that isn’t ultimately for my good because He loves me and knows not only what is best for me, but what I need to experience in order to know Him better--to draw closer to Him, to experience His wonderful, gracious touch, to see His glory.

There can be a million reasons why He has chosen this particular suffering for me. Some of it, I’m sure, has nothing to do with me and everything to do with those who see me, hear me, face me. And all of it to do with bringing Him glory.

Which again, in my small way of thinking, comes back to my choice…at least looking through my eyes--from my small and feeble perspective. Choice to realize that the absence of God is evil, because if I didn’t have faith, if I didn’t know He was with me, all of this I’m going through would be absolute hell.