Love Is Kind

 'Charity suffereth long, and is kind,..." I Corinthians 13:4

I know people who walk into a sick person's house and take charge. I'm afraid if they did that to me they'd end up taking me to the hospital. My pride would not stand for someone taking charge of my home. I'd stew an acid brew and break out in fever blisters worrying about what they were doing and what they were thinking about me and my home. Yeah, I know. Pretty sad, isn't it?

I know people who have come to help me and have asked what they could do. That sets me at ease immediately. Their manner demonstrates a desire to truly help me, not to just perform an act of kindness or do what they think would be helpful.

Years ago, when I was first married, my mother gave me wise advice. When someone visits and offers to help, give them something to do. Often people ask to help, because they need to keep busy to feel comfortable. My mother taught me that giving them something to do with their hands can be an act of kindness. The point being that I focus on what makes the visitors comfortable, not what makes me comfortable. Sometimes that is very difficult to do.

Like every teenager, my eldest daughter struggled with friendships. Emotions run high and oversensitivity rules. Funny how that is also the age when kids become exceedingly cruel. I remember those days and the nasty things kids would said and do to others. I'll never forget how one girl in our school was treated. Ridicule is a kind word compared to how they treated her.

The best advice I could give my daughter is much the same as my mother gave me. When you feel yourself hurting, reach out and help someone else.

Let me take a moment and tell you right now that the world's (including some Christians) concept of love is all wrong. Love isn't about emotions and pleasant feelings. Affection isn't a synonym for love. Love, as you've probably heard before, is an action.

At the ripe old age of nineteen, I went on a missions trip to England. Before our team left we had a two week training course in New York. Boy, did I feel out of my element. Take a young prairie girl to a place where farms are smushed together such that this gal thought they were still in the city where trees blocked your vision all around you. How were you supposed to see your enemy approach?

Not only that, but I had been suffering with an illness I hadn't even begun to understand. It left me feeling dumb and weak, and kept me swelled up like a blowfish. My insecurities were riding high.

The last night together at training, one of my team members took me on a walk just to tell me that I wasn't the sort of person she would have as a friend, but because we were on the same team she'd try to be civil to me. Oy, talk about a blow. I look back now and laugh, but I wasn't laughing then. I'm thinkin' she wasn't lovin' me, and she didn't even know what love was.

Charity is kind. If that team member had understood that, she would have gone out of her way to help me overcome my insecurities instead of making them a reason to not consider me a person worthy of her friendship.

When one loves another, he is useful to that other person and will act in a manner that demonstrates a genuine desire to help the other. If he doesn't know how to help, he will ask and observe, and more than anything, he will pray for wisdom and the Holy Spirit's guidance. Then he will behave in a manner that benefits the other person.

I know I have a great affection for my children. I'd put myself in harm's way just to keep my children safe. But I must also choose to daily love them through behaving in a manner that benefits them. Sometimes that means listening or caring for their physical needs, and sometimes it means being open and honest with them, and even correcting them in order to help them change bad behavior. Helping them change so that they don't become an adult with bad behavior is a benefit with them. It is loving them, and it is being kind.

Unfortunately often a person does not see correction as being loving, no matter how gentle you are, but if you truly love you will do whatever it takes to benefit that person, including helping him see what he needs to change in his life. And then, being there for him when he takes those steps and needs encouragement to carry on. Love doesn’t stop at criticism. It doesn’t stop at advice. It continues with the person as he travels down the road to change, encouraging him along the way. 

I've never been very good at accepting that kind of love. My knee-jerk reaction is that the person hates me. So I unintentionally test them, cruelly so at times, by getting angry. I've learned that people who do love me endure my little temper-tantrums and stick by me while I work my way to accepting the correction they gave me. Those that truly love me help me pick myself up off the ground, wipe myself off, and move forward.

Those people who stick with me through my wretched state of denial set an example for me that I want to follow in my life. I want to show true love to others. I want to be useful in a way that benefits those I claim to love and those God loves (which is everyone).

Love Seeks Not Her Own

 Charity..."seeketh not her own..." I Corinthians 13:5

Over the years, we’ve had several dogs. Presently, we have a border collie we’ve called, Lizzie (short for Queen Elizabeth). We’ve had a cheweenie we’ve called Brownie, and before both of these dog a German Shepherd we called Jasmine. Before Jasmine, we had a sweet old monster of a dog named Bizmark. None of them resembled the others, in particular, Jasmine and Bizmark were complete opposites in personality. Where Jasmine was all about fun and thrills, Bizmark was about loyally guarding and lending an empathetic ear--well, that is how we choose to remember him.

We tend to give dogs high regard for their faithfulness, their loyalty, and their friendship. In truth, they are all about themselves. Yes, I love dogs and, I confess, much prefer their company to some people's company (dogs are less judgmental), but the reality is, they're all about themselves.

Jasmine loved grand adventures. If we happen to be going in and out of the front door too much, she could hardly contain herself. She'd whine and howl and pace. As the number of passings through the door increased, her whine intensified. She’d even break the "no dog on the couches" rule just to see us out the front window. One could easily mistake her antics as missing us and worrying about where we were. Boy, was that wrong.

First chance Jasmine could get, she’d bolt out the front door, smiling face, tail straight out and running like a crazed lunatic from house to house, through flowerbeds, greeting each neighbor’s dog, and dodging cars, kids, and anyone who threatens to stop her.

No, all that whining in the house was about her wanting to get out and have some fun. Had nothing to do with worrying about us.

So, we’d go after her whistling and calling and what would she do? Play the Gingerbread Boy Game, "Catch me if you can." She’d run straight at us and between our legs and the expression on her face was one of pure ecstasy. Oh, she was having fun. Then like lightning, she's down the street at the next neighbor's house and would stop, look over her shoulder and laugh...well, that's what it seemed like. As soon as we would get close enough to possibly grab her collar, she’d streak by us with her tail straight out, a taunting flag of victory.

Eventually she would tire (after we've spent many precious minutes and embarrassing nose dives), and she’d allow us to capture her.

No. I'm quite certain that Jasmine did not love us...at least not when a good chase could be had.

However, I must confess with shame on my face that I too can fake a great concern for someone with a motivation to obtain what I want. Come on now, you've done it too. We all have plural motives. Sometimes we help someone just for the prestige. Sometimes we help someone just to get attention. Sometimes we help someone so that he will owe us one later.

But true love will not go through life seeking to satisfy her own desires. We have an example of true love in Christ.

God didn't need to create us with a will. He didn't need us at all. But He did for His glory and His good pleasure--and then we let Him down. The sin in our life is repulsive to Him. Have you ever lied? Read Proverbs 6:16-19.

"These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:

A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,

A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

I'm thinking pretty much everyone has told a lie at some time in his life, so yes, everyone has done abominable things.

Did you know that liars are destined for the lake of fire? Read Revelations 21:8.

"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

Now picture God agonizing over the thought that you are going to be in that lake of fire. Because He loves you, He doesn't want that for you. He's going to do all He can to rescue you. So, He comes down to earth as Jesus Christ, endures all sorts of hardships, and ultimately submits Himself as the perfect sacrifice on the cross, dying for your sins.

He didn't have to do it. No one could make Him, but He chose to, because He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked (yup, that's you and me). Ezekiel 33:11

"...I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live:..."

Can you beat that for love? God didn't seek His own. He could have destroyed us and created a new being to worship Him (He has the angels, after all). We don't deserve to live, but He gave up Heaven, suffered and died just for us.

Think you can follow His example of love?

Love Hopes All Things

"...hopeth all things,..." I Corinthians 13:7

To hope for something is to expect it to happen. Hope confides its heart to the one that will bring about its desire, waiting with great expectation for the outcome it wants.

Hope can't see what it wants. If it could, it would not be hope.

For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. (Romans 8:24-25)

We trained Jasmine, our dog, to "wait" for us when we leave the house. Before we walk through the front door we tell her to "sit and wait." Wait isn't the same as stay. "Stay" means don't move. "Wait" means you remain here until we get back, but you are free to chew on a bone or play with a toy. And "wait" means "we will be back shortly; you can count on it."

Jasmine sits, sometimes whines, wags her tail, and waits, fully expecting us to return. She might go to her crate and sleep. She might chew on a bone. She might even play with a toy, but she anticipates we will once again come through that front door. In other words, Jasmine hopes for our return--she's confident that we will. That is what hope means.

Love hopes all things. In confidence, it moves forward in life. Maybe something bad happens, but love will trust that good will come of it. Maybe someone makes a mistake, but love will hope that person will learn to not do it again. Maybe someone is walking along the edge of temptation, but love will trust that person will not fall off the edge into sin.

Have you ever had anyone try to discourage you from meeting a goal? I have. Such a person is not loving me at that moment. While love takes pleasure in truth, which may not be positive, it will hope for the best.

Love expects good to happen, and love looks for the good in people, expecting to see it. In fact, it is confident that it will see the results it desires. And it is willing to bear the consequences when someone let's it down.

Love waits for the good. It waits for God's work to be done in someone's life. It waits in anticipation that what it longs for will happen.

Love has perfect persevering faith. Love confides itself into the hands of God--fully surrenders and has complete faith in God's goodness, righteousness, love, and justice--to the end for the good of another or for the glory and honor of God, and to have a good testimony before God and man.

There is an element of patience in hope. We already know that love is to be patient, but now we know that patience must also be executed through the trust for a good outcome.

In the context of I Corinthians 13, the hope love has is a desire for the best for others. Godly love is always directed toward others. It is never me-ward. The strength behind love is in its trust and faith in God. That faith in God holds love firm against prevailing winds of doubt and hurt and disappointment. It will never be torn up by the tornadoes of others sins or the hurricanes of persecution. The tsunamis of hate and the volcanic tirades of another will not dispel love's perseverance, love's hope, love's willingness to bear all things.

In its patient perseverance, we see love's hope. 

Love Endures All Things

 "...endureth all things." I Corinthians 13:7

In my horseback riding days, endurance in a horse was an asset. When I would go "horse shopping" I tended to avoid Quarter Horses, because their ability to endure long days was less than that of an Arabian or an Appaloosa. The only asset to a Quarter Horse was their level-headedness.

Because I was purchasing with inexperienced riders in mind, I needed to somehow have the combination of physical endurance with patience and forbearance. Arabians tended to be exciteable and overly sensitive. An Appaloosa would tend to become obstinate and refuse to move when it wearied of a job or tired on the trail.

As a result of these flaws (along with cost), I usually ended up purchasing horses that were a combination of breeds.

The best horses would endure the pain a bad rider would bring to their backs, banging of their mouths by the bit in the hands of a novice, and long hours in the ring or on the trail doing the same thing over and over again. Only a handful of horses had the ability to do this. Such horses were treasured.

Good horses provide for us an example of how to bear trials and burdens without complaint. When I watched what these poor animals would put up with through the ignorance of their riders, I found myself admiring God's creation and realizing that I should be the same and more. I, created in God's image, have the ability to love.

Love endures all things for the sake of those it is responsible for and to. Love endures a great fight of afflictions either from its object of affection or from those who oppose it. Love endures pain, suffering, shame for the sake of those it loves--even as Christ endured the cross and the stigma of hate by the world for our sakes.

In Hebrews 12:3 we are encouraged to endure even as Christ did.

"For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds."

When we remember what He did for us, we find the strength to endure the little assaults on our weak love.

When the best beginner's horse endured the unintended punishment from its rider, it would do so quietly. It would not kick or buck or rear or retaliate in anyway. Instead, it would plod along until clearly told to do otherwise. As a child of God who is told to love others, I should emulate this creature and carry on without retaliation. Hmm. I need to work on this.

Black Mystery

 Black as night, it was. Blacker than a crow’s feather. Blacker….well, you get the picture. 

I stared at it for hours…okay, maybe minutes, but it felt like hours. I pushed my hat to the back of my head, rubbed my brow (which sweated uncontrollably in this infernal Texas heat), and wished I had the wisdom of Solomon.

There before my booted feet flowed a black oozing liquid from what had once been the bottom of a pond. If I tilted my head just so, it had a green sheen to it, or maybe it was purple. Hmm. Maybe it simply had a rainbow affect depending on how the light shone on it. 

You’re thinking, ‘black gold’. Oil. This was Texas after all. But you’re not here to smell the stench coming from the ground. You don’t see the thousands of grasshoppers lying dead, or bees…yes, I think they were honeybees. Someone lost a lot of honeybees.

I squatted down, wrinkling my nose in an effort to dim the smell and wondering what exactly this ‘bubbling’ was. Oil would be nice financially, but no. I don’t want my land torn up by riggings and pipes and the like. This piece of land was good virgin land, unmarred by what man called ‘progress’. I’d like to keep it that way.

Well, I thought as I stood, nothing to do but get a shovel and see what exactly was going on here. The pond had been a spot for all sorts of wildlife to come drink, until the neighbor decided to build his tank (aka pond, aka dugout) right in the runoff bed that filled my pond. And he finished it the first year of this drought. Now we’re into the second year. No rain since May, temperatures over 100 F almost every day, hot winds blowing daily, and we’re coming on the middle of August. 

I looked to the sky. “Lord, we need rain.” I took a deep breath and wondered what God had in store, because it had been my experience that He made good out of bad. 

Walking to the UTV to grab my shovel, I prayed, “You know I love this land. You know, God, that You gave it to me, made it possible for me to have my little paradise here on earth. But if this drought continues, I’ll have to sell all the cattle…and I’m not sure I’d be able to rebuild.” 

Shovel in hand, I looked up the trail to the pasture to be sure the gate was closed, cattle on the other side. Not knowing what was happening with the pond, I didn’t want the calves coming down and getting sick. Doubt they’d come anyway, with the smell being so bad, but better to be safe than sorry. 

With a sigh, I turned to the pond, scanning the mud wallows made by wild hogs, taking in the deer tracks, raccoon tracks, and other wildlife. When I got to the black, oozing mud, I thrust my shovel into it. Bent the handle back and heard the sucking noise of the mud, then lifted and flung it aside. 

More bubbles. Hmmm.

I continued to thrust, bend, and throw, digging a little hole in the area of the bubbles. By now, I was able to ignore the smell. Especially when I noticed that the liquid bubbling began to change. Not quite so thick.

Thrust, fling. Thrust, fling, and soon a hole about three feet wide and three feet deep formed with shale at the bottom. What bubbled up no longer looked black. In fact, it was clear.

Leaning on my shovel, I looked down, sniffed, but all I could smell was the rotting carcasses of dead insects. I decided to clear a little more of the mud, and while sweat poured off of every part of my body, I got excited. Could it be?

After an hour of digging in the hot sun, I decided to take a break and headed to the UTV for some shade and water. “Lord,” I thought, “Would You really be giving me what I think this is?” I was almost too afraid to hope. 

Finishing my water bottle, crushing it, and tossing it into the garbage can in the back of the UTV, I picked up my shovel and returned to the pond.

But I stopped in my tracks.

My eyes scanned the area I had been digging. It shimmered in the sunlight. Almost mirage-like in nature. I could see the shale, but it wobbled in the light, especially a little ways from where bubbles continued to come up. 

This was too good to be true.

I ran down the side of the pond and slopped through the black, stinky mud to where I’d been digging, my hands fairly shaking with excitement. 

What I was seeing was so much better than black gold. This was life-giving. This was life-changing. This was water! 

I laughed and jigged around and laughed and cried out, “Praise God! You are so absolutely awesome! Thank you! Thank you!”

Then I dropped to my knees in the water, on the shale, and cupped the water, drawing it to my nose to smell. It smelled wonderful, clean, fresh. Not even a hint of sulfur, as most of the wells in the area had. Dare I taste it?

“Lord, this looks good. It smells good. Surely, it will be safe to drink? Dare I?” I took a deep breath, felt the peace of the presence of God, and bent down to drink.

Oh, the taste! Oh how wonderful! So pure. So perfect! Never had I tasted water so good!

I drank my fill, then got up and lifted my hands up to the Lord in praise! 

Drought be hanged. I had a spring…a real spring on my property, in my pond. Water for my cattle. Water! Who would have thought.

To God be all glory, honor, and praise!

Love Does not Behave Itself Unseemly

“Charity…Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;” I Corinthians 13:4-5

Have you ever been embarrassed by an acquaintance, a friend, or even a family member? I’m positive I embarrassed my mother on a regular basis as a child. I look back and shake my head…what a spoilt brat I was. At times, the way I behaved, clearly the only person I ‘loved’ was myself and even then I didn’t ‘love’ me well.

I remember one ski trip Mom arranged with one of my friends and her mother. On the car ride to the mountains, I started complaining about something. I don’t remember what it was, but I know I sure went on a tirade about it. The possibility that I was perhaps embarrassing my mom did cross my mind, and that perhaps this behavior was not quite right did poke at me. And yet, I did it. I behaved unseemly.

Looking back, I see that not only did I not behave in a loving manner to my mom or my friend, but also to myself. It occurs to me that when I’m behaving in an unloving manner, I’m not only not loving the other person, but I’m not loving myself…and an even greater travesty, I’m not loving God. 

When a person draws attention to himself; when he is rude or demanding; when he is complaining or being negative; he is not loving others. AND he is not loving himself. 

As Christians, we tend to think that we shouldn’t love ourselves. In fact, self-deprecation seems to creep in as a means to appear humble. Of course, the opposite is true as well. People think they are loving themselves when they are boasting or seeking their own good. Neither of these approaches is truly love.

The attributes of love should be applied to ourselves and others. If we are capable of treating ourselves with dignity and kindness, we will have practice to do the same for others. 

I’m not talking about being obsessed with one’s self, but about recognizing the value you have as God’s creation, as a person loved and cherished by God. This type of love is not prideful or selfish, but recognizes the very fact that you exist gives you worth because God deemed you worth creating.

When we behave ‘unseemly’ we degrade not only those around us, but ourselves as well. That isn’t loving others, it isn’t loving yourself, and it isn’t loving God. 

Humbly accepting God’s love, living to please Him, denying your self-will and pride, all require recognizing that you belong to God, that you are nothing without Him, AND require rejoicing in the fact that God sees you, loves you, and has a purpose for you that will bring Him great joy. 

Foundational to our behavior is our understanding of our position in Christ. If we do not first understand that we are nothing without Him, but in Him we have everything and can be everything He wants us to be, then we will never be able to have behavior that reflects love—reflects God.

“And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” I Corinthians 13:13